I’ve always been attracted to women physically and sexually. It’s about a mutual deep, spiritual inexplicable connection to another human.
I was raised in a traditional patriarchal Christian family. Consequently, I was “taught” any union or attraction other than heterosexuality was an evil, revolting abomination against God and nature. This message translated to me being evil etc. As a result I tried to ignore my true feelings and thoughts and attached myself coldly, strategically and miserably to an unsuspecting boy who would later become my husband and the father of my children.
The marriage was characterised by confusion, violence and manipulation. I had been brainwashed into believing marriage was a life long commitment and divorce would hurt my children. I had lost my confidence and self respect to the extent that I was convinced that I was incapable of raising my children as a single parent. It makes no sense to me now however that was where I was from 15-24 and I knew nothing else.
Leaving this was the beginning of my liberation, and self discovery of myself as an independent capable and strong lesbian woman. The trauma of my childhood and early adulthood certainly played a part in shaping who I am today, but I do not believe it has influenced my sexuality in any way. My sexuality is about my attraction to women for as long as I remember, and is completely seperate to my associations with SOME males. Nor is my relationship with my son, male relatives and friends tainted by the evil, vile, and abominable behaviour of “good” people.
It’s certainly been a journey, however it has definitely been made far easier by the genuine love, compassion and connection I’ve had with the women who’ve helped me heal. Im finally free to be me.
October 18, 2015